Waffles. Bliss. Waffles. Bliss.
Interchangeable terms. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar, or they’ve never had a good waffle on a nippy spring day while sipping tar-black coffee before a ride. Or during a ride. Or after a ride. Crispy exterior, fluffy interior, slightly-sweet dough…Anyway, we’re neck-deep in Belgian Classics season, and there’s no better way to enjoy a magical time of the year than with the Battlefield of Europe‘s greatest export.
My kitchen is the Belgian Expeditionary North American Waffle Laboratory (BENAWL). The team of experts in the BENAWL has experimented with making waffles out of anything carbohydrate-based (and sometimes not, see the disastrous “Atkins Waffle”). I’m not a gluten apologist by any means (note: I’ve never met any gluten-paranoid hypochondriacs outside of the US), but variety is the spice of life. And waffles. Wheat flour, rice flour, cooked rice, corn flour, sourdough starter, tapioca starch, rye flour, yucca flour, gummy bears, xantham gum, corn, Froot Loops, bacon, bread, carrots, basil, potatoes, pumpkin, vegetable pulp…all hot-cast into a nook-pocked leavened quick bread ready for a bevy of toppings.
However, the BENAWL has a new apparatus allowing for an even more terrifying degree of experimentation. That apparatus is the BlendTec, capable of turning virtually anything into flour, paste, butter, or liquid ready for incorporation into a waffle dough. Dried broccoli flour? Is that a thing?
I’ll start with the basics of Alternative Waffle (henceforth known as AltWaffle) creation with a BlendTec. No BlendTec? A food processor should work, but I take no responsibility for disaster. Welcome to AltWaffle 101: The Oat Waffle. More exciting than a standard flour waffle, I prefer the oat version for a quick waffle as it gives the dough a little more texture and flavor.
A quick explanation on the following recipe – I prefer using honey as a sweetener and butter as my fat. Lower glycemic index, better browning. You can sub for standard sugar and oil if you want less miraculously-awesome results.
Note: This recipe ALSO works for the lesser quick bread known as “pancakes”. Just pour the batter onto a hot, greased pan. Duh.
What if: Instead of taking another low-or-no-paying domestic US cycling contract to sacrifice the whole of your being to ride awful races in parking lots, suburbs, and places where spectators would normally run you off the road on a training ride…you went your own way?
Welcome to 2014 – the initial season of the ridiculously titled project, ”THE LOCALS ARE PAINTING MY NAME ON THE ROADS” (and to my knowledge, no one ever has).
Back for another winter in Colombia. Those of you who’ve followed along before know the story. This time, with my recently-acquired (and equally talented bike racer) wife, redefining the word “Honeymoon”. Also this time, we’ve opted to spend our days in one of the beating hearts of Colombian road cycling: Medellin. A consistent slew of awe, excitement, passion, insane food, and incredible people will be fed through the meatgrinder here, the Instagram, and various other outlets.
The Project is: THE LOCALS ARE PAINTING MY NAME ON THE ROADS, We’re fast on pavement, we’re fast on dirt. We’re disillusioned road racers with an axe to grind on the most unique, marketable, and interesting events and locations on the planet. We are not pros. We are the anti-pros. We’re interesting humans with stories to tell, and we know how to tell them. An aesthetically smashing creative team that happens to pump six watts a kilo on a given Sunday. We run on passion, excessively-stamped passports, espresso, adrenaline, street food, and good IPA. We’re Top Gear meets Anthony Bourdain meets Rapha meets pro-level racing. We can win a time-trial Friday, an enduro Saturday, and the local gravel race with 10,000ft of vertical on Sunday. We do not screw around, except when we do. Michelada at the C-Store stop on the local hardman ride after dropping everyone? Yes.
Partners are Castelli, Orbea Bicycles, Blendtec, and Reynolds. Expect to see their graciously provided products over the coming year exceeding design specifications.
The Initial Spring Event Calendar:
- 3/24 – La Ruta Colombia (Antioquia Gran Fondo), Medellin, Colombia
- 3/29-3/30 – Gorge Roubaix, The Dalles, Oregon
- 4/6 – Tour of the Battenkill, Cambridge, New York
- 4/12 – Paris Roubaix Challenge, Paris, France
- 4/27 – SPY Belgian Waffle Ride, San Diego, California
They won’t let me race the Classics – so I’ll make my own, on the best equipment possible, preferably fueled by Liege waffles and Tripel.
In conjunction with the calendar, and in an effort to make the lofty (read: insane) race calendar possible, custom kits are now going to start rolling out the door. The first:
Blaze camo meets ubiquitous modern-day racing, with a dash of WW2 fighter ace-inspired kill cards and typography. Get ‘em while they’re hot, the presale runs until February 28th, with kits rolling out the door within six weeks – just in time for hunting season.